If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.
- Albert Einstein

Saturday, May 7, 2011

This day

is hard. 

7 years ago today, my mom stopped breathing. 
We had carried her upstairs, and we were watching the Yankee game.
The seizures had never lasted this long before. 
My dad went to the bathroom.
Her breathing got strange.
And then it stopped.

Nurses and friends came, 
gave CPR so hard it broke her ribs,
I felt a panic so intense I thought my head would explode,
and then, she died. 

So late at night, or really, early in the morning,
on this day, seven years ago,
I woke my dear brother and sister up
to say goodbye.

It's a pain I have trouble putting into words.
[and if you know me, you know that doesn't happen often.]
But in my pain, I say:

Thou Eternal God,
Thine is surpassing greatness, unspeakable
goodness, super-abundant grace;
I can as soon count the sands of ocean’s ‘lip’
as number Thy favours towards me;
I know but a part – but that part exceeds all praise.
[Valley of Vision]

God was good to me, even in my mother's death.
In my pain now,
in the strangeness that it's been 7 years,
in my wishing that she knew who I turned out to be,
in my wishing that she knew the people I love today,
he is still good to me.

Your prayers are appreciated, my dear friends.



  1. Prayers go out to you and your family. I can't imagine. I know you miss her terribly.

  2. wow I can't even imagine.. so brave of you to post about such a difficult subject. Prayers to you & your family xx

  3. I'm so sorry. This poem is beautiful and painful to read. I can't even imagine what you're going through, but I will certainly keep you in my prayers today.

  4. I am so sorry. I will be praying for you and your family.

  5. my condolences. it must be a mist of hardship to go through of of this.

  6. Praying for you Mary..I did not know it was so close to Mother's day too. There are just some losses in life that we can never understand, I am so sorry for you it was your mom.

  7. I am deeply sorry for your mom. Stay strong. xoxo

  8. i am so, so sorry mary. prayers are being said for you and your family...

  9. so so sorry for your lose. spend the day remembering her. :)

  10. wow. what a tragic experience. but how brave you are to share it with the world. lots of prayers for you and your beautiful mama who must be so proud of you.

  11. Oh my. Know that despite us being perfect strangers, my prayers go out to you and your family. I'm sure your mamma was a beautiful woman and I'm sure you carry the light of her life within you.

  12. i can't imagine how hard this is. and how strong you've had to be. i'm definitely sending prayers! God is taking great care of your mom up there. i'm sure they are both so very proud of you!

  13. i'm sorry i'm only just seeing this. i can't possibly understand the grief, but praise god that he does...and he goes before us.


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